Confessing to things is never any good on the phone. I knew that if I were to try to reason with James over the phone, all it would take is one click of a button to disconnect and never talk to me again. And I don't think I could ever deal with that.
So James and I decided on the beach. We both live by it, and it's probably the only place I could ever get him to talk to me alone with no one else. Granted, it is 4 AM, but paparazzi never sleep. Ever.
Once I have his undivided attention, I decide to start talking. I never noticed how much taller he is than me, but with my shoulders slumping so much it becomes really apparent to me.
"James," I begin with his name. "James, please don't be mad at me."
"What is it Amber?" he frowns.
"Um, well, I really need to tell you...something," I respond restlessly.
"Amber..." starts James. It would be so much easier to tell him about Corbin if he weren't so loving. "I've never seen you like this," he replies. His brows knit into a confused pattern. "Just tell me." His smooth arm reaches over and grazes my forearm.
"J-James," I say. My face turns a pale green at the thought of saying this out loud. I feel as if I'm going to throw up, but if I don't say it now, there's no promise I ever will. Proper wording is the last thing on my mind, so I sputter out, "James, I cheated on you."
Nothing could have ever prepared me for his reaction. It is filled with absolute shock, then hate, then curiosity, then more hate.
And where as just moment ago he was comforting me, it only takes him a proper two seconds to remove his arm from mine. Just like that, all gone.
Instead of yelling like I would have expected, James carefully readjusts his expression. With his lips formed into a tight line, he barely replies, "When?"
"Um, when you were away. In Apaloosa Plains." I want this conversation to be over as soon as possible, so I only take a moment to reply.
"How many times?" He continues to look down, so I can't see his face.
"Twice," I frown, fidgeting with the sand beneath my feet.
I had been trying so hard to keep a collected expression, but his reaction kills me. I burst out in tears.
But he doesn't seem to notice. He just keeps his head down and asks another question. "Did you...do anything?" He starts picking at his nails, something I've noticed he only does when he's nervous-when he proposed to me, when he asked to be my boyfriend, and now-when I'm being brutally honest.
"Um..." I prolong replying because if I don't choose these words carefully, I know I will lose him forever. "I just-we just-like, nothing. Just one kiss, I swear." But I feel slightly better because I am telling the truth. We shared two kisses but we never ever did anything else.
James finally looks up, and he takes full notice of my crying. "Amber..." he says my voice softly, but I hear anger behind it.
"Please don't say you hate me," I choke out. I find some time in between sobs to say, "Please, please don't leave me."
I refuse to look up, because I know how full of hatred his face probably is. He is probably disgusted with me and will never, ever want anything to do with me again. As I continue choking out sobs that I haven't had since I was a child, I begin to accept that James is going to break up with me. I start thinking about what he'll say, how he'll approach the subject, and when he will leave. I wonder if he'll even care.
After crying for what feels like an hour, but in reality is only five minutes, James speaks up.
"Do you love him?" he pries.
"What?" I say, startled.
"Are you in love with him?" slows down James.
"No!" I croak. I wipe the tears from my face and shout, "No! Never, James! I don't love him at all!"
"Do you love me?" he frowns.
"Of course I love you!"
"Then why would you cheat on me?" That's the question I had been dreading. The simple why.
I have no idea how to reply. It would help if I knew why I cheated, because if we're being honest here, I don't know why I did. So any excuse I try to conjure up will make matters infinitely worse.
"I don't know James," I say. I'm already being honest, so there's no point in stopping. "I don't know why I did."
"So next time I leave you alone, are you going to run off and cheat on me again?" he seethes. For the first time he is outwardly angry with me. "What reason are you giving me to not leave right now, and never talk to you again?"
"I-I-I love you." I choke out.
"Yup, and what does love even mean to you Amber? I bet you were in love with that asshole before I came back. And then, all of sudden, you loved me again. Am I right? Is that how love works in your mind?"
I reply with sheer silence.
"And you probably thought it was normal!" he shouts, throwing his arms up in the air, just like he did in my nightmare. "Because I've been so fucking understanding of everything in your challenge, and you getting with other men, and then you going to dinner with that guy, you thought I wouldn't even mind!" He glares at me as I choke out more sobs. "Well, Amber, it's not okay with me."
That's all I needed to crush the last bit of hope I was holding on to. My entirety shatters, leaving me a heaping mess. I don't even know what to say. What could I possibly say that would make him hate me less? What could I ever do that would make up for all my faults? What could make everything I've done to him go away? Nothing, at this point.
"Please!" I beg. "Give me one more chance, James. I swear on my life I will never do anything to hurt you again. I promise." I start crying again, which seems to cool down James's angry face. He's always been a guy to not tolerate crying very well.
"I just-I-" he chokes on his words, which tells me that he isn't as self-assured right now as I had figured him to be. "I just knew it," he frowns. "When I heard the things you said in that dream, I knew something had to be going on." He pauses, thoughtful for a moment. Then he does something I wouldn't have hoped for in a million years.
He pulls me down on the sand, turns me on my back, and plants a huge kiss on me. I'm shocked, yes, but I put everything I have into it. I grab his curly hair and pull him deeper into the kiss, savoring it for all it's worth. When we're done we sit up.
"Okay," he says simply.
"Okay?" I ask. I try to get rid of the obvious flush on my face from making out.
"Okay, I forgive you," he says matter-of-factly. "I know how you kiss when you love someone. The only time you've ever kissed me like that was when I proposed to you. My cheeks burn bright. "So you're fine. I won't let this go right away, but I'll get over it in time. No reason to punish ourselves."
"Punish ourselves?" I say nervously. "If you broke up with me, I would be the only one getting hurt. So if you feel like you need to then..."
"Are you kidding me?" he replies, baffled. "You've always acted like I don't even love you Amber. Of course I love you. Breaking off things with you would only make my life worse. But...you need to promise me something."
"Anything," I breathe.
"Never talk to that bastard again or I'll have to deal with him. Got it?"
"Got it."
Eventually the sun starts to rise, making an appearance over the ocean I hold so dear to my heart. Things are really uncomfortable at first, but James and I start to fall back into our normal relationship after a bit. I realize he doesn't want to leave, because he's probably wary that I'll go back to Corbin. But after how Corbin lied to me, I would be a fool to ever go back to him. Or any man for that matter.
We talk for hours on end, making up lost time due to fighting, and basically get to know each other again, but this time with no lies. I've decided that from now on, honesty is the best policy. No more lying or deceiving for me.
We hang out and do nothing until about noon, but then I really have to get home and resume my motherly duties. On my way home, I visit a man named Thornton Wolff. He actually lives right down the street from me, but turns out he is a big-shot in the business career! He tells me that he really wants a child just to see what it looks like, so he wants to bear my next child. Hey, it's all good with me! We get together and then I'm out of there faster than a cheetah on stereroids. No need to stay with a man longer than needed now that I'm ENGAGED!
Once home, there's nothing holding me back from aging all the kiddo's right up! They have a random day off of school today, so I take the opportunity to get up to date on my challenge.
The triplets grow up wonderfully! All three are extremely unique. Gordon is still a jokester, but only around the ones he loves. He prefers not to be around people he doesn't know, and especially loves spending time with his younger siblings and cracking jokes to them.
Bertha is still a Bertha, alright! She is not as in to animals as her sister, but she appreciates the dogs and loves getting dressed up and going out for some fun!
Finally, Justine! Justine is a very unique individual, and not even that covers it! She is funny, sweet, and loves animals to bits still. She dresses like she's too cool for school, but she really loves being at home with the pets!
Thomas and Katrina are next! It makes me really sad that I waited so long in my challenge to have more vampire babies. Vampires are just gorgeous, with their pale skin and thirst for life. Both Tom and Kat can have a great time no matter where they are, what they're doing, or who they're with. If you simply put these two together, fun shall happen! They're just how kids should be!
And lastly, there's the tots! It would be an understatement to say that Maysilee looks just like her father...she's an exact replica! From the hair, to the face, to the eyes, to the lips, and especially to the nose, she is a carbon copy! Her twin sister Effina (Effie) is beautiful too. You will not find Effie without her little flower cap on her head and rosebud shoes on her feet. Together they have bundles of fun, a match made in sim heaven!
Every day I get closer to the end of my challenge. After this pregnancy I have coming up, I will only have two more left, and then bam-I'm done. This realization hits me like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden all I want to do is spoil all of my wonderful kiddo's. I start out with a new baby swing that I saw at the e-store, but couldn't afford right away. But then I realized, who cares? I want to spoil my kids!
I put both toddler girls on the swing, starting with little Effina. This ride is too perfect...I wish I had it sooner in my challenge! I could have done house work without worrying about the kids for so long!
The next new thing I bought was not necessarily for the kids, but it's mainly a timesaver. I buy one of those smart-censor automatic dog feeding bowls. Apparently it automatically refills the bowl when food runs low, and multiple dogs can eat from it at once! It's like a dream, because now I don't need to worry about my dogs being hungry!
The next thing I buy is a huge hit with the teens, as well as the kids. Gordon and Bertha take the first round on the pinball machine! It's a huge hit in the e-store right now, and I was lucky enough to get my hands on it. The machine is a prime pinball machine, complete with sounds, extra buttons, and customizable settings in which the pinball is in! We place the huge gaming sysem outside since we have practically no room inside, but they still have tons of fun in the warm fall air!
The last thing I buy (at least for the moment) is these windchimes that I have been dying to get. When I was a child, my favorite thing to do was to sit on the porch for hours with my dad, listening to the chimes create endless, spontaneous music. The ones I buy look just like the ones I had as a kid, and I end up sitting on the porch, once again, for hours just listening.
When I come back inside after an hour or so, I swoon at the sight I see. Effie fell asleep in her swing, and is resting peacefully, swinging back in forth...I love my family. These will be a phenomenal last few pregnancies.
Today is Monday. Mondays are known to be the dreariest day of the week, the day everyone hates, the sinful day...everyone hates Mondays! Except the Lights' family, because this morning everyone is in an amazingly great, fabulous, perfect mood. It may be Monday, but it doesn't mean we have to be angry about it! Embrace the week!
After my bubbly kids head off to school, I get the toddlers up from their cribs. Maysilee was whining all night last night, so she is sleeping in much more than her sister. I wake up Effie first and start her potty training.
It takes May a good hour after her sister to finally wake up, and even then she's groggy. As I'm contemplating leaving her in her crib all day or forcing her to wake up, I remember; the baby swing! My savior! The baby swing was successful in putting Effina to sleep last night, so why not Maysilee?
And right I am! May is passed out like a light within a few minutes, comfortably swaying back and forth. With her napping so peacefully I take the time to get a jump on Effies skills. Before I know it both girls will be grown, moving out, and leaving me forever! Getting a start on skill is always a must because of this process.
I decide walking is a good place to start. I set her up straight, and hold on to her smooth hands.
"Mommy?" she frowns. "Me go down." She plops back on her butt, but it only takes me a moment to help her back up.
"No Effina," I say, "You're going to walk now! Come on, let go of mommy's hands..."
I ease my hands away from hers, and balance her with my palm. "Good girl!" I chirp, patting her on the head. "Now you need to walk towards me..." I slowly back up, watching my step for any stray toys.
"Eeeek!" she wails as she gains her balance. As she's about to start crying, I shoot her a look, and a newfound discovery dawns on her. She's standing!
"Woah!" she giggles. I show her how to take steps with my fingers as examples.
"Do you get it?" I am about to see if she'll be able to do it when she starts walking on her own.
"Look at me mommy!" she smiles. "Mommy, mommy! Me walking!" She collapses into my arms, and as I'm smoothing back her hair, something dawns on me. These are the moments I am going to miss after the challenge. I have to savor them while I can.
As I'm cuddling with my snuggle-bunny, I hear the door slam closed. "-No Bertha, this is totally not cool!" rants Justine. I place Effie on the floor and walk out. "Girls, girls," I laugh. "What's going on now?"
"Well, if you must know," starts Justine, holding out a rock with some curious drawings on it.
"We have to have pet rocks in school mom!" whines Justine. "Our teacher gave us this assignment today and said all meanly, 'You must have this rock act as your friend, and write a paper on the blabbity-blah of the social need for humanity.'" She mimics her teachers voice, which I'm sure he/she doesn't sound anything like.
"But mom, she has it all wrong!" interjects Bertha. "She doesn't get how cool this project is! I can't wait to find out the social needs for the average human being!"
"She just loves to do the opposite of me!" groans Justine in retort. "She loves to make me angry!"
"You wish-"
"Woah girls! Stop fighting!" I frown. "You kids are better than that. And where's your brother?"
"Oh, Gordon? He's at the Science Facility doing some research for this project." replies Bertha.
"Oh!" I grin. "Well, maybe you girls should follow in your brothers footsteps and try to find some fun in this project instead of fighting!"
"I'm not fighting! I'm trying to get HER to stop being annoying!" whimpers Bertha.
"Same deal," I say. "Why don't you girls watch the toddlers for me while I make dinner, and I'll let this go. Okay?"
"Perfect, I'll run the rock friend by Effie and May. Maybe they'll like it more than I do!" laughs Justine. She starts to walk away, but Bertha hangs tight for a moment to roll her eyes and say, "She's crazy," before turning away to go help watch them. I smile. As a mother, my job is done! Problem solved!
I keep half of my promise to the girls. Before I settle into making dinner and getting my hands dirty, I take a few moments to help out young Thomas with his homework. Believe it or not, even vampires have a hard time with algebra.
Once Tom is starting to understand why y=1/3x-1 with a domain of -6 equals 1, I go ahead and start up dinner, finding this as a good stopping point. Everyone needs to learn, sure, but everyone also needs a good snack break. I make my salmon for dinner, and it seems that with their homework done, Katrina and Thomas find this a suitable meal to get dressed up for. Of course Katrina is the lovely lilac princess, and Thomas is the orange astronaut from the world of aliens. He refuses to sit at the table with everyone else, saying that astronauts only eat while floating. We all just laugh it off and eat our meals in peace.
I'm shocked when I wake up to a bulging belly this morning. I guess I was just naive yesterday? The maternity dress I'm wearing is new though, and I guess it doesn't show off my circular physique as much as other pregnancy clothing does. Oh well, there's babies inside all the same!
Almost as soon as waking up, the name James comes to mind. James. My perfectly lovable finace whom I haven't seen in days. I call him up, slightly nervous that things will still be awkward, but when he answers he is seldom awkward. I think it' safe to say that we have both mildly moved past the cheating confession blow up, and can now resume our relationship. I hope, at least. But he does agree to come over, so I am happy.
James tells me that he needs to get a few things done before he comes over, so he won't be over for thirty minutes or so at least. With the kids already on the bus and heading to school, the toddlers playing in their cribs, and not another sound in the house, I am bored. But I do find the ever-lovely Bambi needing a brushing so bad. I carefully brush out her coat and smile when done. There is a knock at the door right as I finish. "Well Bambi, look at that perfect timing!" I chirp.
"James!" I grin when I see that handsome face. I pounce in for a hug, but when I feel him not returning it I settle for an awkward friendly hug in the face sort-of thing.
"Um, hey James!" I pull back, trying to ignore the weird hug.
"Hey Amber," he replies, not much expression on his face. So perhaps we haven't made as much progress as I would've hoped.
"Erm...what's up?"
"Oh, nothing much."
"James, are you aright?" I frown. I place my arm on his shoulder and thankfully, the gesture is accepted.
"Things aren't going to go back to normal, as if nothing ever happened," he replies. "I love you, and of course I want to be with you, but it's going to take a bit more than just the normalcy to convince me."
"Convince you of what?" I ask.
"Convince me that you actually love me, Amber."
"Of course I-"
"Yes, I know you love me Amber. It's just something I need to settle for myself. You're not doing anything wrong right now." His face looks so sad that I just want to take a bright smile and swap it out with his perpetual frown. "Maybe I'll be better once we move. You're still moving with me to Apaloosa Plains...right?" He asks.
"Of course!" I turn my forlorn expression upside down, hoping to bring his spirits back up. "I can't wait! I'm nearly driving myself mad with thoughts about what it looks like. Is it beautiful?"
"That best," he replies, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. I start to study the way he smiles, the way that it starts in one corner and eventually turns into a full-blown grin. I also notice his new beard he's growing out.
"I absolutely love your stubble," I giggle. "Just thought I would let you know." This gets a godforsaken smile out of him, finally.
"You're liking my new look, huh?" he smiles. "If my dad saw me he would tell me to put some milk on it and have a cat lick it off!" he laughs.
With the ice broken, it takes us all of two seconds to come to our senses and enjoy one another. We spend the entire day in the family room, the Indie station blaring, entwined in one anothers arms. We make lots of small talk in between make out sessions and trying hard not to waste any time. Not that it matters, because after the next two pregnancies, I will be all to him, and he shall be all to me. The ending of my challenge is one topic we spend a while on, and another is talking about our wedding. He apparently set up a photo shoot for sometime in the coming days for our wedding invitation. I hadn't even thought of that, but I'm glad he brings it up. He's far more advanced in the modeling career than I could ever be.
I hope you know who each triplet is at this point, but from left to right it is Gordon, Bertha, and Justine. They are the sweetest kiddo's you will ever meet, and they ended up loving their rock friend projects! So go them!
After they're gone with Flower, it's down to me, the two sets of twins, Bambi, and a whole lot of air. The quiet is actually quite refreshing, and the twins and I enjoy a nice dinner of mac n' cheese to finish off the night! Oh, and here's my baby bump. It's getting so big I MUST be having multiples!
I get a good nights rest, but the next morning it is labor that consumes my time! Ah, the familiar feelings.
Welcoming...
Baby 96
Corey Lights
Baby 97
Tinka Lights
Baby 98
Horace Lights
<3 :)
Sorry for the horrible attempt towards the end of this post...I just wanted so badly to get it out, but at the same time I have to be working out, completing 500-some pages of homework, and actually trying to get a decent amount of sleep. Gah, I'm so tired. I'm rambling. Good night. :)
